courage
by Hellen Lou
Summary: Three people find courage


Courage

By Helen

Set after the events of 'Fannysmackin'

Lyrics from 'Courage' sung by Sara Polley

Does Grissom have the courage to let her go?

Does Sara have the courage to admit her true feelings?

Does Greg have the courage to stay?

_Watch the band  
through a bunch of dancers  
quickly, follow the unknown  
with something  
More familiar  
Quickly  
Something familiar _

Courage, my word  
didn't come it doesn't matter

He stood there staring from his hiding spot behind the door. She had said his name so softly, so tenderly… so full of love. Sara was bent over him stroking his hair, perched on the edge of his bed while he slept soundly. Even from here he saw the tears rolling down her cheek. He didn't dare breath or believe what was racing through his mind… it couldn't be true; she was Greg's friend… that's all nothing. Then why did his stomach tighten at the way she stroked his hair or held Greg's hand in her own.

"Greg" it was a whisper filled with promise of love

"God Greg thought we lost you there for a few minutes" Sara tried to sound light hearted but the tears wouldn't allow it.

He stiffened when she lent forward, her hand now threaded through Greg's hair. She looked as though she didn't care if she was found… she just wants to be with HIM.

He stole a breath and felt rage, how could they… after all he had been through to get Sara and he lost her. Stealing him self he shook his head, no he hadn't lost her… so what if she was a little closer then a friend, they were still together… secretly yes but still together… then he caught something.

"Greg… Greg" she chocked out before standing now bending over him "_I love you_" she bit her lower lip and swiftly pressed her lips against the sleeping mouth of Greg. The younger man didn't even stir under the embrace he was receiving. Then just as quickly it was over and Sara spun round and raced towards the door. He stepped back and was out of view before she even came through and rushed away. He stood there, not allowing what he had just seen and heard to sink in until he heard movement from inside the room and he steadied himself before going in. not knowing if he had the courage to the right thing.

Courage comes at the worst time.

_Sleepwalk,  
so fast asleep  
in a motel  
has the lay of home  
and piss on  
All of your background  
And piss on  
All your surroundings _

Courage, my word  
Didn't come, it doesn't matter  
Courage, your word  
Didn't come, it doesn't matter  
Oh courage, my word  
Didn't come, it doesn't matter  
Courage, it couldn't come at a worse time

Had he said… no he couldn't have? She looked at him, and was shocked when she saw the pain echoed in his eyes. He had said, he had heard her and worst of all he had seen it.

"Grissom"

"Just tell me … I need to know… you owe it to me" the tone bitter sadness overwhelming. How could she admit… to that? So lowering her eyes Grissom stepped forward and glared at her.

"Do you love him" he demanded bringing hot tears to her eyes and she snapped her head up

"Of course I do" she bit out but wishing she hadn't. She didn't want to hurt him, and she was willing to lie to herself, to Grissom and most of all to the other one.

"I've grown close to him… to them all" the lie burned her tongue she wanted it to sound real, needed it to but she knew he didn't believe her. How could he, you have to have some confidence in a lie for someone else to believe it. Grissom lowered his head as though he had already gotten his answer.

"I saw you… I heard what you said" she strained her ears to hear him, but she knew she had failed at telling him a lie… her heart loosen slightly but she still felt sick. He didn't believe her… he knew the truth.

"Then…." She cut off not knowing how to finish, what was there to say. She admitted what she finally discovered and she didn't have the courage to admit it to the two people most important in her life.

"_Admit it_" it wasn't bitter, looking up her tears reflected in his. She knew it was true everything she felt for Grissom and for Greg but still she couldn't admit it. She couldn't break Grissom's heart… she couldn't give her trust up to another man one she didn't even know liked her.

But from somewhere she found courage, and lowering her eyes she admitted out loud to someone else…

"Yes, I meant what I said… and how I said it. I love him," she stopped and looked at Grissom, he had resolved himself a little but she saw he needed for her to say it too… the words they both were dreading.

"_I am IN love with him_" it was just above a whisper but Grissom heard it… saw it form on her lips that he not so long ago was capturing… waiting, needing. She bit her lip, she almost had given herself to him… all of her but after the years of chasing she couldn't help but look somewhere else, and that somewhere else had been a friend and someone she never thought could be… well just be the man she fell in love with.

But out of habit… out of long lost hope she had gone to Grissom, when he offered her a chance at something she thought she wanted she had snapped it up not knowing what she would be doing to her self to her friendship with the man she loved. It had almost worked the pretending then… she could never live with out him.

Grissom stepped up to her, she wanted to feel his reassuring hand but instead he held himself back only giving her his eyes in comfort and his presence.

"If that's how," "Gil" but she was cut off by a look. Biting her lip to hold her tongue she watched him… he was right she owed him. He had risked something to be with her and she ended up being in love with some one else.

"If that's how you feel, then I guess… you better get back there" Grissom ordered causing her to search his face. He couldn't have just meant that, but then again how she could she expect him to say anything else… to mean anything else. It would be a pretence, and being secret their relationship wouldn't mean anything and what would that do to them.

Grissom looked at her once more, before walking towards his car leaving her in a state of shock.

Did she have the courage, to tell the man she loved the truth to watch him in what could be her rejection? Somehow she had the courage to tell Grissom the truth, had somehow stood there and watched herself break his heart.

Sighing with a shiver she walked back to the hospital.

Courage couldn't come at the worst time.

_So there's no  
Simple explanation  
for anything important  
any of us do  
and ever hear of my  
Tragedy  
Consists in  
The necessity  
of living with  
the consequences  
under pressure  
under pressure _

Courage, my word  
it didn't come, it doesn't matter

It had been a dream. It had to be there was no way Sara Sidle would tell him she loved him and then kiss him.

Of course it was a dream because when he opened his eyes Grissom was there, he looked… well Grissom looked heart broken. He joked… but Grissom didn't take too well to the joke.

Once Grissom left he sank back into his bed. It had to be it, no more… it was their turf out there… he found out the hard way. He would go back to the labs if it came to that.

He didn't know if he had the courage to go back. No he didn't have the courage to say he didn't want to go back out there.

He yawned and began to drift off to sleep. Courage could wait… nothing would change him mind.

The door opened once more and she walked in. Smiling lopsided he watched her walk to his bedside "I had a dream about you" he wanted to take that look of sadness off her face.

"Did you" she said half hearted stopping a little away back. Sara sidle was beautiful to him and the smile he gave her was his whole heart… even if it wasn't returned.

"You gave us a scare" Sara told him while taking a seat in the chair beside him. He shook his head and laughed "yeah sorry… I'll try not to get beaten up again" he joked but wished he hadn't when she paled.

"Sar," he had started but Sara looked at him and smiled. "Just promise to never let it happen again" Sara ordered causing him to grin brightly. He noticed she fidgeted with her fingers and he longed to reach out and hold them still.

She cleared her throat and brought him to the real world "your dream," she started then looked at him, raising her eyebrow "what" she questioned as his look and he pulled back startled that he had been staring….knowing that he couldn't help but stare at her.

"Nothing… what about my dream" he questioned, hoping he could blame the drugs they had given him. Sara blushed and looked down "tell me about it" she asked as he swallowed hard… it was a dream, his dream and he could lie… he had been good at it long enough.

"You were playing with my hair… then you said you loved me and gave me a kiss" he told her expecting to her heavy laugh and the shake of her head at the thought of his flirting again. But when he watched her he saw that she had stiffened and almost stopped breathing.

"Greg," she started in a low tone… a warning tone… no it was something else. Feeling himself become worried, maybe she had enough of his flirting and was finally going to put a stop to it.

"Like I said it was a dream… hey can't a guy dream" Greg joked but gulped when Sara looked at him. It felt as though she was really looking at him, studying like some new piece of evidence… like he held something to help her.

Sara reached her hand finally and wrapped her fingers around Greg's bandaged hand, heating spreading through out him.

"Greg" she started again before standing up still holding his hand and leaning forward "it wasn't a dream" she offered, her face closing the gap between. She paused within inches of his lips her eyes running all over his face… studying him. She wanted to read what he was thinking… then it hit him… if it wasn't a dream and she really did.

Without another thought he closed the gap and captured her lips with his own. Softly at first then his passion spilled forward and he only wanted more of her taste ignoring the tugs of pain with in his chest. Fearing she would pull back and he would wake up his hands went to her face cupping it gently winching inwardly at the pain his IV drip caused him. Her hands clung to his gown pulling him deeper into the kiss.

A thousand and one thoughts hit him but one that stuck one that made him hurt more then his bruised and beaten body was already hurting was that he had the courage to say no more… no more field work. He finally had the courage to back away and step away from the danger… but he had it at the wrong time… Sara had offered her love to him and he wanted to leave the crime lab.

Courage really did have bad timing.

_Oh courage, my word,  
It didn't come, it doesn't matter  
Oh courage, my word,  
didn't come, it doesn't matter  
Courage, it couldn't come at a worse time  
(Worst time)_

So that was it, no fights… no attempt to stop her. He sighed as he watched them embraced. Sara loved Greg and only cared for him. He had wanted to punch Greg hard when he walked back into the room after Sara had fled but seeing the younger man, he knew he couldn't. By Greg's ignorance he had won Sara, he won her without even knowing that he and Grissom were fighting.

Watching them laugh, he knew he had lost her for good. He turned and walked back to the car park. He had the intention of demanding a second chance but the sound of love in her voice made him think twice. He had his chance and somewhere along the line he blew it, Greg was just at the beginning and he was no fool. He took the love offered to him and returned in full.

He hoped… no wished that some how he had given Sara that finally piece of courage to admit who she truly wanted. He knew it was probably not true but he could hold onto the hope. Greg however had given her a new courage… hell he had given her a chance at a new life. New relationship with no strings… no hidden meanings. And him, well he had the courage to walk away… to let her go and… to quote Greg… it sucked.

_Courage couldn't come at a worst time. _

Possibly a series


End file.
